tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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