phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
