Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
