It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
