fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
