We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize