when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
