Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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