Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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