you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
