He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
So vagazzling was a success
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
