the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
