i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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