she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You're a waste of cheezeits
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
