Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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