u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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