guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
