Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
