so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize