Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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