He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
