Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
My breasts were aching with rage.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
