he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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