I think I am morally bankrupt
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
false alarm. still invincible.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
