She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
