Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
