Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
