My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
