I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
we're so committed to being not committed
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
