She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
