Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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