I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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