If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
