the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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