saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
