Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize