apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
