so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
