i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
