Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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