but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
