I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
