Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
