so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
