Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
