matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
