i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
