It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
