What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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