I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
