Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Randomize
