her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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