Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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