it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
