someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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