We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
