Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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