I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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