His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
