you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
