Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
