Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
