Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
