would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I deserve this hangover.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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