The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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